As some day it may happen that a winner must be found
Our competition to rewrite the little list was so popular, and had so many great entries, that we decided to take some of the best lines from five different submissions and meld them together. This daunting task was done with great success (and typical flair) by our Artistic Director, Barbara Heroux. We think you'll agree that she did an amazing job. Congratulations to the competition winners: Steven Ginzburg, Carolyn Meek, Edward Proffitt, Emily Gladstone Cole, and Curt Gowan. Their submissions are coded by color, scroll down for the color key.
SONG: AS SOME DAY IT MAY HAPPEN |
KO-KO with CHORUS OF MEN
As some day it may happen that a victim must be found,
I've got a little list--I've got a little list
Of modern-day monstrosities on whom I've fiercely frowned,
And who never would be missed--who never would be missed!
There's the pestilential nuisances who wait for autographs
From idiot "celebrities" with self-important staffs—
Then health insurance comp'nies, that keep jacking up their fees,
And all the bailed-out bankers, who make sky-high salaries,
And every swine-flu-hyping epidemiologist,
They'd none of 'em be missed – they’d none of ‘em be missed!
CHORUS.
He's got 'em on the list--he's got 'em on the list;
And they'll none of 'em be missed—
they'll none of'em be missed.
There's the kids who dress in baggy pants with butt-cracks full in view;
And the fundamentalist -- I’ve got him on the list --
And rappers who just mix up words into a tasteless stew;
They never would be missed--they never would be missed!
Then the politician venal who proclaims his moral pride--
While all of us are sure he's getting plenty on the side!
And the athlete who sets records while he's juiced up to his ears,
And when he's caught he 'fesses up behind a veil of tears--
"My pharmacist betrayed me!" most sincerely he'll insist--
I don't think he'll be missed--I'm sure he'll not be missed!
CHORUS.
He's got 'em on the list--he's got 'em on the list;
And they'll none of 'em be missed—
they'll none of'em be missed.
Then the senators who’ve barely skimmed the bills they voted for,
"Enough to get the gist!" I've got them on the list.
Toyota said the accidents were flukes and nothing more,
"No real faults exist!" I parked them on the list.
Then the Savoyard enthusiast, whose purity's well known,
Who hears all "lesser" artists' songs and gives a mournful moan;
And linguistic mutilators who abuse their mother tongue--
For iterating "nucular" they really should be hung!
And the Championship golfing pro, who can't turn down a tryst,
Yes, Tiger's on the list, I'm sure he won't be missed!
CHORUS.
You may put 'em on the list—
you may put 'em on the list
And they'll none of 'em be missed—
they'll none of 'em be missed!
ENCORE VERSE:
There’s Olympic commentators, who know nothing much of sports,
I’ve got ‘em on the list, I’ve got ‘em on the list,
And passengers on airlines who set fire to their shorts,
They never would be missed, they never would be missed.
Then the despot from Iran, who claims that nukes are not his aim,
"I'm just enriching isotopes for science" is his claim,
And gub'natorial hopefuls, with obnoxious TV ads,
All fans of Smart Cars, bio-fuels, and other eco-fads,
And that singular anomaly, the vapid twitterist--
I don't think she'd be missed--I'm sure she'd not he missed!
CHORUS. You may put 'em on the list—
you may put 'em on the list;
And they'll none of 'em be missed—
they'll none of 'em be missed!
- Black = W.S. Gilbert
- Orange = Carolyn Meek
- Purple = Emily Gladstone Cole
- Blue = Steven Ginzburg, with help from Christl Denecke and Allen & Shirley Ginzburg
- Green = Edward Proffitt
- Burgundy = Curt Gowan
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